I've been quiet this past week as dealing with a new physical pain drove out the psychic pain of waiting for my CPAP. But I have not stopped my progress with the LEAP protocol, continuing to add a new food from my non-reactive list every other day. Though I have mostly been going in order, according to the phases provided by the LEAP lab, I decided (with dietitian support) to jump ahead a little bit with certain foods that will enable me to eat out with a bit more ease when I travel on business in a couple of weeks. So I skipped a bunch of fruit and cabbage in order to get to eggs, beef and lettuce. But last night, as an extra special treat, my added food of choice was cane sugar.
It felt kind of dangerous and scary. Adding sugar, after the addition of eggs, means that the world of baked goods is opening up, albeit gluten free. Specifically, I ate two little gluten-free almond horns (courtesy of Aleia's), and I thoroughly enjoyed them. As I opened the bag to share with my dining companions, I wondered whether I was actually opening a dietary Pandora's box.
So far my experience with the LEAP protocol has been nothing short of amazing. I have simply had no desire to eat any of the foods to which I tested as sensitive, and also have had no desire to jump the gun on any late-stage foods before their time. Though I've occasionally had urges to eat salty/crunchy (usually satisfied by organic American cheese on sesame-rice crackers) or sweet (cashew butter with a little honey or maple syrup mixed in or some freeze-dried fruit), they have been momentary urges only and easily satisfied. There was no "bag of cookies" option. And while it has felt as though those particular cravings departed when I finally dealt with the buried feelings about my mother and her death (see my blog posts from June), being without emotional impetuses to eat is still an extremely new experience for me, and one that I'm having a little trouble trusting.
On the one hand, those almond horns sat on the counter for four days, waiting for me to pack them up for our trip to Vermont, without once calling out to me seductively.
On the other hand, sugar was not yet a permissible food. Now it is.
Will things change now? I don't think so, and I certainly hope not, but only time will tell.
A hui hou.