I am generally a patient woman. Ask anyone. I am content to read the same story to my grandchildren six times in a row; listening to my grandparents tell the same stories over and over again was actually a pleasure. As my fifth year anniversary post attests, most of the time, I am content to sit back and see what unfolds.
I still have two weeks to wait until I go for my follow-up appointment and get outfitted for CPAP, and the waiting is driving me crazy.
Every morning, I wake up in a fog of fatigue, and every afternoon I have to struggle to keep awake and alert. The effort I'm expending to stay moderately functional is more than I can spare, and I can't seem to find the inner resources to get myself on a better schedule. Knowing that help is in sight, but still at a distance, is torturing me.
Apart from the physical discomfort of being tired all the time and moping along through days that might otherwise be envigorating, the major dilemma I face is this: Do I spend time and energy now on trying to deal with adapting to a less than optimal schedule, or do I simply wait to see if the difficulties I face go away once I am (I hope!) getting more restful sleep?
I am, despite my current apnea issues, basically a morning person. Morning is the only time I can work effectively. Morning is also the only time I can comfortably and effectively exercise. Obviously, this makes the morning hours prime temporal real estate for me. And now, with my horrible sleep patterns and the constant exhaustion I feel upon waking, those hours have been whittled away till I'm lucky if I get moving by noon, leaving me with, at most three useful hours before my brain fuzzes over completely.
If I could only wake at 6am, ready to hit the floor moving, I'd be able to enjoy the best part of the day and probably find it much easier to get myself to do the strength training that is so important. There is simply no way that that is realistic right now. Maybe that will be possible once I'm sleeping better; I hope so. But for the moment, what do I do? I need to impose some structure on my life, but can I do it now? Should I? Or do I just muddle through until I know what I am finally dealing with.
Any suggestions would be much appreciated.
October 8th can't get here soon enough.